Or in other words, decision swinging to the max.
I deliberate and deliberate over things, because I hate regret. I hate that feeling of, if only I had thought of that, I would’ve gone with a different answer. So I got my box today, a cute box, with five items in it. At first glance, I knew what I was going to keep, or I thought I knew. It was a cardigan printed with owls on it. Cute, and the most unique. The other items were two floral tanks, and a necklace that said “love”, and a maroon color block dress.
I liked the dress, but I didn’t love it, and for the price I wasn’t sure it was worth it. We’ll see.
I didn’t like one of the tanks, although it looked better when it was on me than when it was in the box.
The other one, I didn’t like the sleeves, but under a cardigan it was actually one of the better items. It was also R’s favorite. Cue indecision beginning.
The owl cardigan actually had slightly longer sleeves than I wanted it to.
The necklace? I didn’t even try it on.
The cardigan would cost me an extra 8 dollars, and the floral top would be an extra 28. Now the decision would have been easy if they had been the same price. After all, I had done this Stitch Fix mainly to find work clothing, of which owl cardigans are not exactly. They might pass, but they are a slight stretch. The floral top was cute in the end, although I feel like I could find something like it elsewhere. So I walk in to R’s room. I tell her I can’t decide. *Spew out my thoughts at the time* *R gives me her thoughts* and then I decide. I walk out of the door in triumph, thinking that I’m okay with my decision. Cue minutes of standing in front of the mirror and then cognitive dissonance. I burst into her room again. *Spew more thoughts* *R gives me new thoughts* I change my mind. Cue minutes standing in front of the mirror again. *Burst into R’s room* I literally did this at least four times. I’m not exaggerating. Each time, with new added information. Even now as I write this, I’m wearing the floral top underneath the owl cardigan, and still contemplating the color block dress. It isn’t formal enough to wear to a wedding I think, so when would I wear it? To work? I guess. But I don’t love it. But it’s also a nice comfortable fit and a nice length which is almost rare these days. But then what about the cardigan? It’s cute, but I have a lot of cardigans, and I also don’t think it’s the style I was going for (formal). But it would only be an additional 8 dollars. I know sunk costs, but I’m unwilling to apply it here. And the blouse. The additional money seems painful. But is it that much more? Would it be worth it? It’s R’s favorite. I don’t *love* any of the items, that would make it easier. Like the times I went to buy snowboots with JK and flip flopped back and forth in the store between two pairs. The decision was so hard that by the time I decided, I was very happy with my choice and those are my favorite snowboots now. Same with my other boots that I traveled the UK stores for, and my hat, oh the hat.
Have I driven you insane yet? Good thing StitchFix gives you three business days to decide before you have to return whatever you don’t want and pay for the rest. Now, if I was at home, Mother would go “You like all three? Then get them all!” And I would go, “Really?”, look and feel guilty, and then go “..okay..”, and try to hide how happy I am that I don’t have to cut anything out. You know, now that I mention it.
And then on the other side of the spectrum, there are those impulse purchases that I wonder if I should have really bought. The cool twistable outlet strip, the red ikea frame from the bargain section. But though I may not treasure those things as much and may even wonder if I should have spent that additional dollar, maybe that’s okay. Maybe I should be okay with not treasuring everything I have. Maybe I should be okay with the possibility that I made a mistake, that there was a better deal elsewhere. But I don’t know. I don’t know if it’s okay.
I wonder why some people experience more cognitive dissonance than others in this realm. It’s unfair, really. But I wonder also if those that experience deeper lows also experience higher highs. Wait, this is starting to sound like an unhealthy world.
In the end, all of this is going to pass away, so I better store up my treasure in heaven, right? That’s my salvation, really. Yes.
Imagine the insanity someone would have listening to a conversation between me and the B concerning my next project. Eventually we decided on a way to display things visually but seriously, the options, the options, the debate, the tongue-in-cheek, the devil’s advocate. I like this kind of thing, it gets me energized and I leave feeling like I’ve really thought about what I’m going to do and I’ve got a plan. So here I go. I’m going to work extra hours over this weekend to put something down on paper. I’m scared I’m going to fail, I have to admit. Yesterday I was feeling really confident about the whole thing, and then today, after I found out I misled some people on accident and that I couldn’t figure out the numbers, all of that confidence just seeped away. Until I hashed out things with the B again, then I felt like, well, maybe I could do this after all. I mean, he seems confident enough in my ability, right? Is that worth something?
It’s weeks like these where I flow from one extreme feeling or opinion to another. Earlier this week, I was feeling like people were so stupid, how could such stupid people exist. I was frustrated and annoyed. How many times do I have to explain things? How many times do I have to spell it out for you? Those people have disappeared for a little bit, giving rest to my soul. But today I felt humbled, realizing that although I may have made it through university, something I once took for granted, education is not this straight line path that we may think it is. I may have been able to slice and dice economic theory, but when it comes to making the complicated into simple, I tend to go for the complicated when I, according to other people, really don’t have to. I want to define everything, theorize everything, analogize everything, make principles, find purposes, frame contexts, clarify. And then I talk and realize, well maybe we should just not be so “smart” about this. These are the days where I realize there is something I can learn from everyone. That sometimes intelligence doesn’t always look like nerdy equations and more degrees. That sometimes people aren’t as stupid as you think they are. It sounds awful for me to write about this, doesn’t it? I’ve been wanting to, though. On the one hand, having been to college with a pool of Berkeley students is great. All of us together equals exponential knowledge. However, I think the downside to that is we’re missing a pool of thought, a perspective that might enrich our own, even if it’s wrong, random, or “stupid”.
So should I buy it?