I never thought I was competitive, but that’s because I was judging myself in arenas that I knew I wasn’t good at– strategy games, sports, speed-anything.  I used to feel quite bewildered when my friends exhibited any signs of competitiveness in these arenas.  “It’s just a game and I want to have fun” was my mantra.  But when it comes to items that are close to me, like writing, music, or even caring, for example, I realized that I’m actually kind of competitive.  And it’s embarrassing to admit that.  It’s embarrassing to admit that I care about how others esteem me, care about having bragging rights, care about being near the top of some epic dung hill.  Because that’s what this all is, a dung hill.

I want bragging rights for being on top of a dung hill?  Really, Esther?

I need my eyes readjusted.  Today I had my breathing readjusted.  Through the stress of the day, the knot in my stomach grew and grew, until by the end, I could feel myself struggling to breathe normally.  Then the Lord reminded me to breathe, and so I breathed His name, “Oh Lord Jesus, Oh Lord Jesus” and felt myself relax.  All the stress of the day was dropped as I buried myself in His precious Name.  Jesus, that Name that charms our fears, that bids our sorrows cease!  ‘Tis music in the sinner’s ear, ’tis life and health and peace.


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