I never thought I was competitive, but that’s because I was judging myself in arenas that I knew I wasn’t good at– strategy games, sports, speed-anything. I used to feel quite bewildered when my friends exhibited any signs of competitiveness in these arenas. “It’s just a game and I want to have fun” was my mantra. But when it comes to items that are close to me, like writing, music, or even caring, for example, I realized that I’m actually kind of competitive. And it’s embarrassing to admit that. It’s embarrassing to admit that I care about how others esteem me, care about having bragging rights, care about being near the top of some epic dung hill. Because that’s what this all is, a dung hill.
I want bragging rights for being on top of a dung hill? Really, Esther?
I need my eyes readjusted. Today I had my breathing readjusted. Through the stress of the day, the knot in my stomach grew and grew, until by the end, I could feel myself struggling to breathe normally. Then the Lord reminded me to breathe, and so I breathed His name, “Oh Lord Jesus, Oh Lord Jesus” and felt myself relax. All the stress of the day was dropped as I buried myself in His precious Name. Jesus, that Name that charms our fears, that bids our sorrows cease! ‘Tis music in the sinner’s ear, ’tis life and health and peace.