That’s right, I used an exclamation point. I finally received a letter of acceptance from CSULB. So that’s where I will be next Fall. I’m happy that it finally happened after all this time, and now I can move on to the next stage of life, that is, figuring out where I’m going to be living. No but really, it has been a long time coming. So long, that I’m not really excited about it. I’m just glad it’s settled, nervous about change, and hopeful for the sunshine.
There’s a lot I have come to finally be comfortable with here. My place in the church life, my small groups, my young people, my housemates, my coworkers. It’s not all cheery, but I feel like the dust is settling, in a good way. So maybe that wasn’t the best analogy. I feel like the tide is low. The waves aren’t so violent and unpredictable. The ocean is lapping against the sand in a gentle, methodical way. Still moving, but quietly.
I feel like I have learned so much, but maybe I feel like that with every passing year. There is always more to see, more to do, more to learn, more to experience. All of a sudden, my teenage presumption is so apparent to me. All of a sudden, I feel old. Not wrinkly old. Just old enough to not know everything anymore, as a delightful Bubba Gump quote once said, and decide that it’s okay that way.
I used to wish the Lord would tell me everything at once. What He liked, what He didn’t like, what He wanted. And that I would comply. It would be like the tablets given to the children of Israel. That’s what I wanted. The law. But I found out that He knew what I could bear and what I could not. I found out that He’s not in the business of giving answers, but in the business of mingling. I found out that there is more to life than living it perfectly. And I found out that His mercy is flowing, oh the grace.