I’m in!

That’s right, I used an exclamation point.  I finally received a letter of acceptance from CSULB.  So that’s where I will be next Fall.  I’m happy that it finally happened after all this time, and now I can move on to the next stage of life, that is, figuring out where I’m going to be living.  No but really, it has been a long time coming.  So long, that I’m not really excited about it.  I’m just glad it’s settled, nervous about change, and hopeful for the sunshine.

There’s a lot I have come to finally be comfortable with here.  My place in the church life, my small groups, my young people, my housemates, my coworkers.  It’s not all cheery, but I feel like the dust is settling, in a good way.  So maybe that wasn’t the best analogy.  I feel like the tide is low.  The waves aren’t so violent and unpredictable.  The ocean is lapping against the sand in a gentle, methodical way.  Still moving, but quietly.  

I feel like I have learned so much, but maybe I feel like that with every passing year.  There is always more to see, more to do, more to learn, more to experience.  All of a sudden, my teenage presumption is so apparent to me.  All of a sudden, I feel old.  Not wrinkly old.  Just old enough to not know everything anymore, as a delightful Bubba Gump quote once said, and decide that it’s okay that way.

I used to wish the Lord would tell me everything at once.  What He liked, what He didn’t like, what He wanted.  And that I would comply.  It would be like the tablets given to the children of Israel.  That’s what I wanted.  The law.  But I found out that He knew what I could bear and what I could not.  I found out that He’s not in the business of giving answers, but in the business of mingling.  I found out that there is more to life than living it perfectly.  And I found out that His mercy is flowing, oh the grace.


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