Mental Health

I was thinking of mental health just now, particularly of how suicide rates in teenagers has gone up dramatically in the last decade.  Many of us are around young people in some capacity, so I thought I ought to share this resource I found.

I haven’t done too much research, but it seems we are not too clear on why this increase is happening.



I am not hungry.  What I mean is, this morning, I surfed the Internet for rabbit rescue centers in the North Bay, and then found Glee covers that were supposedly better than the originals, and they were pretty good.  And I quickly read my portion of the morning revival, because something in me still wants to spend time with the Lord, but I am not hungry.  I feel like a distracted child, who is asking, “When will this be over?”  I don’t like mornings, and I seem to happily drift into whatever might instantly gratify me when I’m not so happy about being awake.  My iPhone.  I do feel like my smartphone is a large reason why I’m not that healthy (spiritually/physically/in general), but I am not looking to give it up so I’m not sure what to do there.

And it’s kind of discouraging.  It’s discouraging to come home from prayer meeting and really want to just check who is still remaining on The Voice (is it rigged?).  It’s discouraging to be counting down the minutes on the clock before I’m free.  It’s discouraging to know that I can spend hours upon hours on something, but when it comes to spiritual things, suddenly I have no energy.  And yeah, the disciples were like this, but that was PRE-resurrection.  So I have to wonder, I think I’m regenerated, so what’s up?

I’ve been proofreading lately, and one of the portions I proofread was about life. And about salvation.  And about how although doctrinally speaking regeneration and salvation are supposed to be one and the same, experientially it seems they are not.  And how someone can be saved but not regenerated, in the sense that they only avoid certain things because they feel the church tells them to.  But if someone is regenerated, they avoid doing things because inwardly they cannot, they feel unpleasant to do those things.  In those times I wonder to myself, what about me?  Have I made any progress, or is it all outward law?  Am I just doing things because that’s what I feel is expected of me?  It could be partially the OCD kicking in, as I do things like ask my husband “Am I regenerated?”  He says he can see God’s shepherding of me.  But sometimes I am doubtful.  Have I grown?  Will I ever grow?  Is something missing?  I have to admit, I do not love music the way I used to love music in high school, where my friends and I would literally be glued to our headphones between periods, and even in class if we could, and fall asleep to it, but I still love music to some degree.  And the Lord.  The Lord is invisible and inaudible.  Yet many experienced Him as the Spirit, in a more real way than the disciples did.  I’ve always loved this hymn by Watchman Nee.   I still would love to have the Lord actually sit here and answer my questions face to face, while munching a piece of fish, but I hope I (we) can know Him more “transparently.”


1 Oh, Jesus, Lord, when Thou on earth
Accompanied Thy faithful band,
It seemed they knew, but knew Thee not,
Thyself they did not understand.
2 They heard Thy voice, beheld Thy form,
Thy beauteous stature unforgot;
They crowded ‘round Thee, met Thy gaze,
But who Thou art, they knew it not.
3 As they of old we too are veiled;
We’ve known Thee long apparently;
Yet if we say we know, at best
We know Thee not transparently.
4 But as the Spirit now Thou art,
Another Comforter become;
Reveal Thyself within my heart,
Since to Thy temple Thou hast come.
5 With Thy blest Spirit, Lord, fill me,
Fill every corner of my soul;
May Thou inspire my every part,
Oh may Thou touch, renew the whole.
6 The Spirit then revealing make
Thyself more real within my heart,
That ear not hear, nor eye may see
How very real to me Thou art.
7 When Thou in mercy dost reveal
And give Thyself as Spirit thus,
What in the world can be more real,
More true than what Thou art to us?
8 Thy Spirit, Lord, in mine, I pray,
O’erflow my being as a flood,
That every part with glory shine
And everywhere be Thee and God.
9 How close we are in such a life,
In one is blended earth with heav’n;
Thy presence sweetly fills our souls;
Our hearts are to Thy praises giv’n.

Week One

This week is week one.  Week one of what you ask?  Week one of weaning down from my medication.  How have I done so far?  Well, the side effects haven’t been too crazy, and I’m hoping it stays that way.  Pdoc says he has done this with hundreds of people, and that the books say you can wean off them in a week, so he’s already being conservative with me by going with two weeks.  You can guess this is NOT what I read on the Internet.  And we know how doctors feel about the Internet.  Just kidding, I don’t know, I just think I do based on a few experiences.  Hopefully the stories I’ve heard really are just few and far between anecdotes that are a disproportionate representation of the actual experiences of people who have weaned off of their medications.

So I have two projects.  I am going to read this book “Can Christianity Cure Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder”, written by a Christian doctor who “explores the role of faith in treatment”, which is pretty cool so far, and two, I’m going to start a bullet journal.  The goal with the bullet journal is that it’ll help me organize my life (always down for a more organized life) and give me a creative outlet as well.  I think I’m continually trying to find *the* method of organization, with ample amount of cynicism because #ADD cannot keep up with too much organization before I throw it out the window, but one of the “10 Habits of Incredibly Happy People” is to have a “Growth-Mindset”, so I guess it would be better to see it as an opportunity to improve, and not a desperate trial of yet another organizing method that will fail– whether it’s me failing it, or it failing me– it all depends.  Speaking of growth mindset, I love that about Husband.  He’s always encouraging me 🙂  Which reminds me of our third project.

Gym time!  So apparently, according to Pdoc and a study by Duke university, “researchers reported that three aerobic sessions per week of 30 to 45 minutes was enough to reduce depression.  In general, elevating your heart rate is what matters. If you can talk but not sing while you are exercising, you are working in a moderate aerobic zone. Do that for 30 to 45 minutes at least three days a week to help keep depression at bay.”

Husband Quotes: “What is this bullet journal thing?  Cause I write journals and I write bullets, I feel like I already do it.”

“NO. Omg. No.”


Bone Broth

I’ve never been a bone broth type of person.  I could say more on why, but it turns out every sentence I wrote sounded badly judgmental, so I deleted those.  I had turkey bones from Thanksgiving, gleaned from my relatives’ house, so after making soup yesterday and picking off all the meat off the bones, I thought, hey why not try to make a broth from these bones?  They still look good.  So in they went, into the Instant Pot!  If nothing else, at least I’ll drink it and tell you how it went.

Compound Subjects

Food for later thought.  I like to use compound subjects, but after doing some proofreading I have found that they are especially tricky for ESL folks, because they are somewhat “gray area.”   Also, why are we supposed to put periods inside quotations ..  that makes no sense .. thankfully BRITISH ENGLISH understands me.. and is way more logical in my opinion.  Also, why are comma splices a big no-no?  Sometimes periods or semi-colons just don’t do justice.  ANYHOW.  Reading passages written by English learners and trying to fix verb tense has caused me to doubt a lot of what sounds naturally correct to me because they have done what is logical.  So I ignored these things for awhile cause I couldn’t find anything to back up what was going on in my head.  Also what about compound subjects in list form?  But then I found something today.  So here is some more food for thought for later, posted to my blog for reference.  Now I’ll get back to proofreading.

Ice Cream

Today was Dad’s birthday, according to the Lunar Calendar, so we took him out.  At the end, ice cream was given for free!  And I dug in.  After that, I was pretty antsy, and Mother said perhaps it was the ice cream.  Wouldn’t it be crazy if it was that simple?  Call me complicated, but I don’t think most things in life are simple, and I generally take simple explanations as fun hypotheses, not as serious suppositions.  If only.

One of the most simple things in my life though was my courtship to DH.  Not that I never got upset with him, but where we were and where we were going was fairly simple, more than anything else in my life.  It still amazes me to this day.

Because I’m working for the parentals now, career has become simple too.  I jumped from place to place only to land in a place that I never wanted to be in, and to be okay with it.  In college, as a freshman, I went to see the department head of cognitive science, and she said something like “this is your major of the week isn’t it” which honestly offended me.  As time passed, I became more desperate, and I even pulled out the list of every possible major in Berkeley to try to cross things off that were either too difficult or too impractical and narrow things down.  I thought it was really going to make a difference in my life, but for me it hasn’t.  I am not doing anything remotely close to economics or speech-language pathology.  I am taking the route that I once thought would be most boring, and yet I’m not bored.  Husband knows I could say that about him too.  😛  Timing and experiences have been everything.