Hunger

I am not hungry.  What I mean is, this morning, I surfed the Internet for rabbit rescue centers in the North Bay, and then found Glee covers that were supposedly better than the originals, and they were pretty good.  And I quickly read my portion of the morning revival, because something in me still wants to spend time with the Lord, but I am not hungry.  I feel like a distracted child, who is asking, “When will this be over?”  I don’t like mornings, and I seem to happily drift into whatever might instantly gratify me when I’m not so happy about being awake.  My iPhone.  I do feel like my smartphone is a large reason why I’m not that healthy (spiritually/physically/in general), but I am not looking to give it up so I’m not sure what to do there.

And it’s kind of discouraging.  It’s discouraging to come home from prayer meeting and really want to just check who is still remaining on The Voice (is it rigged?).  It’s discouraging to be counting down the minutes on the clock before I’m free.  It’s discouraging to know that I can spend hours upon hours on something, but when it comes to spiritual things, suddenly I have no energy.  And yeah, the disciples were like this, but that was PRE-resurrection.  So I have to wonder, I think I’m regenerated, so what’s up?

I’ve been proofreading lately, and one of the portions I proofread was about life. And about salvation.  And about how although doctrinally speaking regeneration and salvation are supposed to be one and the same, experientially it seems they are not.  And how someone can be saved but not regenerated, in the sense that they only avoid certain things because they feel the church tells them to.  But if someone is regenerated, they avoid doing things because inwardly they cannot, they feel unpleasant to do those things.  In those times I wonder to myself, what about me?  Have I made any progress, or is it all outward law?  Am I just doing things because that’s what I feel is expected of me?  It could be partially the OCD kicking in, as I do things like ask my husband “Am I regenerated?”  He says he can see God’s shepherding of me.  But sometimes I am doubtful.  Have I grown?  Will I ever grow?  Is something missing?  I have to admit, I do not love music the way I used to love music in high school, where my friends and I would literally be glued to our headphones between periods, and even in class if we could, and fall asleep to it, but I still love music to some degree.  And the Lord.  The Lord is invisible and inaudible.  Yet many experienced Him as the Spirit, in a more real way than the disciples did.  I’ve always loved this hymn by Watchman Nee.   I still would love to have the Lord actually sit here and answer my questions face to face, while munching a piece of fish, but I hope I (we) can know Him more “transparently.”

 

1 Oh, Jesus, Lord, when Thou on earth
Accompanied Thy faithful band,
It seemed they knew, but knew Thee not,
Thyself they did not understand.
2 They heard Thy voice, beheld Thy form,
Thy beauteous stature unforgot;
They crowded ‘round Thee, met Thy gaze,
But who Thou art, they knew it not.
3 As they of old we too are veiled;
We’ve known Thee long apparently;
Yet if we say we know, at best
We know Thee not transparently.
4 But as the Spirit now Thou art,
Another Comforter become;
Reveal Thyself within my heart,
Since to Thy temple Thou hast come.
5 With Thy blest Spirit, Lord, fill me,
Fill every corner of my soul;
May Thou inspire my every part,
Oh may Thou touch, renew the whole.
6 The Spirit then revealing make
Thyself more real within my heart,
That ear not hear, nor eye may see
How very real to me Thou art.
7 When Thou in mercy dost reveal
And give Thyself as Spirit thus,
What in the world can be more real,
More true than what Thou art to us?
8 Thy Spirit, Lord, in mine, I pray,
O’erflow my being as a flood,
That every part with glory shine
And everywhere be Thee and God.
9 How close we are in such a life,
In one is blended earth with heav’n;
Thy presence sweetly fills our souls;
Our hearts are to Thy praises giv’n.

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21-day Sugar Detox

I’m not into detoxes.  I’m really not.  I lumped them into all the other fads that I heard about growing up.  Atkins, lemon-juice cleanses, the like.  But then the other day I got an email from the Instant Pot group (what?) about the 21-day Sugar Detox!  And it actually intrigued me.  Like, I actually considered doing it.  But first I had to do some research.  Most of what I’ve read so far seems reasonable, not too far-fetched or crazy.  The only thing that is weird is the no fruit thing.  I’m also considering how I want to do this, and maybe even just borrowing the book somehow and planning out my own recipe schedule.  I need a buddy though.  CC said she might do it with me, after the graduation hoopla is over, because you know, wedding coming up.  So I might have a buddy!  I would have asked my hubby, but I feel bad because he’s got a big sweet tooth!  But he might be down.  Mainly, I’m just super bloated lately, so I want to see if this kind of diet would help.  It doesn’t seem too extreme, which floats my boat, and seems logical enough.  Meanwhile, I’ve got sweet potatoes baking in the oven..

Eat By Date

I have this weird thing where when I have leftover groceries from a recipe, I don’t use them up immediately because I don’t want to eat the same thing two days in a row.  What happens is that the grocery, in this case, asparagus, sits in the fridge.  It sits in the fridge for maybe a week before I realize, “OMG, I forgot about that.”  I immediately wonder, “Is it still good?”  and because I’m too scared to check, I LEAVE IT IN THERE to check later.  It’s the most illogical thing ever, but the fear prevails.  -_____-  I know, I know.

So days pass, and the asparagus is nagging me from the bottom of our fridge, but I can’t bring myself to look.  I’m afraid of what I might find.  Finally, when it’s time to clean out the fridge because we’re going on a trip, I take it out, and Google “How do you know if asparagus is bad?”  The asparagus doesn’t smell so good, but the texture isn’t as bad as I thought it would be.  The appearance has definitely changed.  It’s definitely not firm anymore, and I even found one stalk that had what looked like mold!  (OK, it was definitely mold)  But some of the stalks seem like they’re firm enough to still eat?  Maybe?  Do I risk it?  So I go through the asparagus, and think to myself, well maybe if I cook it, it’ll be okay, because I hate throwing out food.  I rinse them, even snap them up into bite sized pieces.  But a twinge of doubt is there.

So then I do some more Googling and ask, “When is it okay to just cut off moldy parts and eat the rest?”  Apparently, according to USDA, hard veggies and hard cheese where mold is part of the process are O-K.  Everything else, nope.  The asparagus?  I think it’s hard but porous enough to be considered a soft veggie, which is what USDA considers cucumber.  Bah.  I guess I’m throwing my asparagus away.

So I guess this is my umpteenth lesson that I should just use up everything, but then I end up with oddly ratio’d meals.  What is a girl to do?  Have asparagus two days in a row?  Does it freeze well?  That’s a Google search for another time.

Meanwhile, I have some sirloin (I think?) defrosting.  What to do with it?

Slump

Seriously I’ve been feeling like I’ve been in a slump.

Which generally prompts questions like– Should I go paleo?

It doesn’t help that I have a cankersore in my mouth.  I had one last week, and then another one popped up!  Boo.  It makes my lower lip all swollen too.  Apparently, honey may help heal it faster, as well as taking the supplement L-Lysine.

Now I know why my mom used to have me take that!  She wasn’t just making it up.

But unfortunately, the world of supplements is a mysterious and thus risky one, and I’m not so sure I’m ready to jump in.

Sick, yet again.

My hubby and I have both been sick for what seems like an eternity.  Just kidding, it hasn’t been that long, maybe a few weeks.  Anyway, it has been longer than either of us anticipated.  First him, then me.  Interestingly, we have different illnesses.  Today, Hubby asked for soup.  Lucky for him, I was thinking exactly the same thing!  So today, instead of making Home Chef dinner number 2, I’m making Asian chicken soup, yet again.  I don’t have green onions, so the simple chicken drumsticks, ginger, water, and rice wine will have to do.

I’m starting to really like chicken drumsticks.  You know why?  Because I don’t have to touch them at all.  No butterflying, no hacking, no stuffing, nothing.  They either get thrown into the pot for soup, or picked up once to put into a pan to brown.  And that, my friends, for a germaphobe like me, is wonderful.  They have skin, bone, AND meat.  I took them for granted because Mother suggested them to me, and you know if Mom suggests it, how great can it really be?  Sorry Mom.  Turns out Mother is a genius.  I already knew that, but this just reaffirms it once again.

Sick people in the house, Asian-style.

So the sick person in my house requested Jiu Niang because I decided I wanted to go to Ranch 99 for a cornish hen.  I wanted to get a cornish hen because I wanted all the parts of the chicken (or hen?) for soup!  Because supposedly there are healing things in there.  Anyway, apparently jiu niang is something that makes him feel better too.  It’s one of the foods of my childhood that I’m not a fan of.  Fermented rice soup.  My memories of it involve Mommy telling me to drink it, and me being like, this tastes funny, and her being like, it’s good for you.  Oh wait, that applies to a lot of other things I ate too.

Yes this post has all kinds of errors in it, but I’ll edit later!  Gotta run to get some chicken bones!

//edit//

Here is my end result!

IMG_6735.JPG

I don’t know what it tastes like because Sickie is asleep still.  I’m scared to try it.  I also put way too much fermented rice for the amount of water, compared to all the recipes I saw online, so I just hope it still tastes okay, and that I don’t accidentally intoxicate my spouse.  Those bits and pieces are osthmanthus flowers, not bugs, by the way, in case you were wondering (because I was).

 

Chicken Soup

The problem with being an American-born Chinese person is that when it comes to sick people in the house and making chicken soup, I inevitably have to ask,

“Should I make Asian chicken soup or American chicken soup?”

Because Asian chicken soup has less ingredients and chopping involved, Asian it was.  Hoorah.

Also attempted a mochi cake using hazelnut milk and almond milk instead of regular milk!  I think the initial consistency was rather thick with just the hazelnut, so then I may have added too much almond milk to compensate.  The result was a rather unformed cake.  However, it is still tasty.  Verdict?  I would make that substitution again, as long as it is just mochi cake I’m dealing with.